antiaircraft Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 :laughingsmiley: I love the Santa one! This was originally posted on the OTB, but I figured it was good enough to post here: Often people have complained that English is a cockeyed language because of the inconsistencies in its spelling and sound system. Take heart, changes are afoot! The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with an 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. And during ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a rel sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted to in ze forst plas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zerwey Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 ROFL that is sooooooo funny it made my day! Do I have permission to put it on my website? ( http://lloll.wordpress.com ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Sure, go ahead. I got it in a random e-mail anyway (and Levy started a chain-mail with it). :yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DOOM Bringer Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Heres a joke for you. According to some experiment, it is supposed to be the world's funniest joke or something like that: Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?' Lol, I got the joke from this newspaper article Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revenge Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Oh, I've heard that one before! Okay, try this: A woman walks into a bus carrying a baby. The bus driver takes one look at it and says, "Eurgh! That is the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman storms off to the back of the bus, fuming. Turning to a man next to her, she says, "Why, that driver just insulted me!" The man goes, "Well, that isn't right! You go tell him what for! Here, I'll hold your monkey for you." It made me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antiaircraft Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 :laughingsmiley: That is hilarious! @DOOM: I actually posted that one in the old puns board... but I got it from a book somewhere as opposed to a newspaper article. :yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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