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DOOM Christmas carols


Midtime

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Well, it's almost Christmas, and I suppose it's time I did something in the spirit of Christmas cheer. So I'll be posting here, from time to time, some of the Christmas songs that have been circulating around DOOM. Feel free to post comments, and, if you want, suggestions! :evil:

 

For now, here's the first:

 

(To the tune of "Santa Claus is coming to town")

 

You better watch out, be evil or die,

Best be devout - I'm telling you why:

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

He's making a list, the price will be dear,

If you have spread not malice but cheer,

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

He bites you when you're sleeping, so that you never wake,

He zaps you with a ray gun, dumps the remains in the lake,

 

Oh, you better watch out, be evil or die,

Best be devout - I'm telling you why:

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

(slowing down) Meepit Claus is coming to town.

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That's the way! Spread the DOOM spirit!

 

Spreading fear and cheer at the same time...

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Nope sorry but I'm sure a mod could fix it, maybe you should ask someone politely to fix it for you.

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I heard some DOOM agents singing that one over and over again in the barracks yesterday - it really spread the Christmas spirit to all around. :devil:

 

Merry Christmas everybody!

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Alright, here's a complete version:

 

You better watch out, be evil or die,

Best be devout - I'm telling you why:

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

He's making a list, the price will be dear,

If you have spread not malice but cheer,

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

He bites you when you're sleeping, so that you never wake,

He zaps you with a ray gun, dumps the remains in the lake,

 

Oh, you better watch out, be evil or die,

Best be devout - I'm telling you why:

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

With little round bombs, and long and sharp knives,

Submachine guns and killer-bee hives,

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

With robots and clones, and meepit squads too,

Acid spray drones and slimy green goo,

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

The forces o-of darkness, will spread malignantly,

They'll arm their superweapons, all around the Christmas tree,

 

Oh, you better watch out, be evil or die,

Best be devout - I'm telling you why,

Meepit Claus is coming to town.

 

(all laugh evilly)

 

So, is anyone not in DOOM going to post here?

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Don't know about that...

 

But that's a great song - amazing what our agents can come up with when they're bored. :evil:

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  • 2 weeks later...

We should post something like this for New Year's Day... but the agents have all been too busy running operations to sing.

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Yeah... it's some time past Christmas, but I think it's a shame to have just one of these, and I've just thought up remembered one more:

 

(to the tune of 'Jingle Bells')

 

Blasting through the snow,

On a one-slave armoured sleigh,

O'er the dead we go,

Laughing all the way!

 

Amplifiers ring,

Making explosions bright,

What fun it is to kill and sing an evil song tonight!

 

Oh, sonic bells, sonic bells, deafen all the way,

How I love to shoot em' up in a one-slave armoured sleigh... Hey!

Sonic bells, sonic bells, deafen all the way,

How I love to shoot em' up on a one-slave armoured sleigh!

 

(at this point, everyone starts arguing about what comes next, which is a moot point, obviously, but results in a long-awaited punch-up)

 

(all still conscious laugh evilly)

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Well, it doesn't exactly rhyme, and I don't think it was originally a Christmas song... but never mind. :P

 

(to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

 

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

A cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Seven scythes a-slashing,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Eight maids a-murdering,

Seven scythes a-slashing,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Nine infernos blazing,

Eight maids a-murdering,

Seven scythes a-slashing,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Ten lords a-plotting,

Nine infernos blazing,

Eight mads a-murdering,

Seven scythes a-slashing,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Eleven clubs a-swinging,

Ten lords a-plotting,

Nine infernos blazing,

Eight maids a-murdering,

Seven scythes a-swinging,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

And a cake that's soaked with cyanide.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Twelve knives a-stabbing,

Eleven clubs a-swinging,

Ten lords a-plotting,

Nine infernos blazing,

Eight maids a-murdering,

Seven scythes a-swinging,

Six friend's heads,

Five silver bullets,

Four mad slayers,

Three black widows,

Two coral snakes,

A cake that's soaked with cyanide...

And a nice funeral.

 

(all laugh evilly)

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Lol, these are really great guys. Very creative and very evil :devil:

 

I might try make one, but should it ever happen it will probably be pretty bad...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Maybe we should make a topic like this for all the major holidays. There are some really funny (and often really bad >.< ) songs passing around DOOM these days.

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I think that's a great idea AA! But instead of opening one up for each holiday, we could just transform this topic into one great big topic for different carols/songs/whatever.

 

Or instead of just having DOOM versions of holiday songs, why not have DOOM versions of any/all songs (an example is Loc's version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

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Well we'll certainly have an interesting board. :) I'll poke around a few of the barracks and see what I can pick up.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've got two more!

 

(To the tune of 'Silent Night')

 

Silent night, Deathly night,

All is calm, DOOM doth smite.

'Round you AA and djtom too,

Sloth's an infant compa-ared with you.

All who wo-ould our rule cease,

Follow us or rest... in peace.

 

(all laugh evilly)

 

And...

 

(To the tune of 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer')

 

Rudolph the red-eyed meepit,

Had two red and glowing eyes,

And when he was angry,

Anyone he looked at died.

 

All the other meepits,

Used to scream and run away,

They wouldn't let 'poor' Rudolph,

E-even come out to play.

 

Then one dark, forbidding night,

AA came to say,

Rudolph with your eyes so bright,

Won't you lead the strike tonight?

 

Then how the meepits loved him

As they shouted out with glee,

"Rudolph the red-eyed meepit

Will now rewrite history!"

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Lol those are great! I especially like my name being mentioned :P

 

I really should try and write one of these, so if I get an idea I'll post it here.

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Alright, I have another one. It's not actually a song, and quite strange, sort of a mix between a song, a limerick and an utterly random thought:

 

(To whatever tune you think fits, or none at all)

 

*Shoots you with a rather large and homicidal gun*

*Shoots you with it once again because it is such fun*

Oh ain't it great to be

A DOOM agent type three

'Cause I can shoot you yet again and slap you in a bun.

 

In a discussion with AA, we came up with the following substitutes for gun:

 

bun (switch its position with gun)

 

Hun (as in Attila the Hun)

 

nun

 

sun

 

Come to think of it, that is just... weird. o_O

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