Suns Surge Forward to Victory

[Midtime]

[The studio. Midtime and Matt are present.]

Greetings, one, and greetings, all! It's been an excellent one day (and no more than that) on the pitch, and I and Matt are very glad to tell you all about the results which we have both been so diligent in collecting. I, for example, most certainly did not spend the entirety of yesterday finalising a detailed dissertation on Matt's use of witchcraft to predict future Cup match-ups and their results, only to discover at the last moment that he was in fact employing the far more obscure art of statistical analysis. Let us proceed promptly to the Alabriss results.

The Magmas unfortunately could not weather the Lost Desert heat, falling to another fateful sweep in a brutal game of somewhat backwards wordplay. Although commentators expected no less from the Mummies, captain Leera Heggle was heard to call it a "doozie of a match", nodding in a complimentary fashion to the Moltara team - in context, I presume that he meant they were a hardy opponent. The term 'doozie' probably alludes to a Lost Desert proverb about a flower that survives against the elements.

[An intern hands Midtime a sheet of paper.]

Ah, it appears my supervisor had this delivered just in time to inform me that I am dead wrong. I am informed that 'doozie' is not regionally specific, and is in fact a widespread slang term which I have heard, and in fact used, several times within the past hour. I have somehow managed to forget this, a probable occurrence which my supervisor foresaw just in time to send this despatch. My supervisor hopes that they are not too late to prevent me from embarrassing myself on live television. How thoughtful!

My supervisor would also like me to get back on topic. How did - um, never mind.

In a much friendlier re-enactment of an ancient rivalry, Meridell soundly trumped the Minions in the second sweep of a day that would turn out to have many more. The Knights have done well for themselves throughout the Cup, even taking the occasional win from the powerhouses of the season; it seems they are aiming to end their part in this year's games in a most memorable fashion.

The Zombies, meanwhile, had trouble recreating their previous success against Kiko Lake, who are still first in the running to take home the Cup. Locked into the same bracket as the Kikos, the Mummies, and the Knights, Team Haunted Woods may have a difficult time gathering themselves for a last hurrah before the end of the season.

Meanwhile - in the Minitheus Bracket, Maraqua scored a definite win against their symbolic nemeses from Krawk Island, taking all but one of the events. The Pirates kept themselves from a sweep with a well-staffed slushie service and a serendipitous flavour, which is likely to outlast this year's Cup and be repackaged as something with a higher price tag, advertisements for which will be briefly seen on this channel as the product enjoys a brief burst of popularity before fading into disuse, protected from public repossession by a patent meaninglessly renewed for centuries by a company which, if it were a living creature, would be seen to treat everything around it with envy and fear. If Maraqua make a good push, they may yet make it into the single-digit rankings. What an exciting two days it will be for them!

Team Virtupets made a series of remarkable saves against the Ninjas, earning their victory ultimately by virtue of penalty shots. The results met great cheering from their half of the stadium, while Shenkuu fans had victory in only one category - refreshments - to celebrate.

Team Tyrannia broke Mystery Island's winning streak to continue their own, sweeping the Natives entirely off the field. Unlike yesterday, their cheering teams came through in ensuring their victory - good news for the Fossils, who will need every last point they can score to hold on to the podium. It seems that the spirit of the blue Techo is with them today.

That covers the Minitheus bracket! How fortunate that I was able to avoid any irrelevant tangents while reporting. Matt will now provide the Vaeolus results.

[The feed shifts to Matt. Midtime is still in-frame, but under subtle directions from a cameraperson, scoots gingerly away to the right.]

Thanks Midtime! Was I glad to see you! I thought you and Brooke ditched me to go out and have fun...I mean...I was worried about you both! Uhhh anyways, let's get straight into the results from the Vaeolus Bracket.

The Suns were victorious in today's match between the two underdogs. Although the Faeries came close in Yooyuball and Shootout Showdown, the Suns' Yooyu-slinging skills proved to be too much for the Faeries to handle. Altador walks away with their second sweep of the tournament, and a well deserved one if I may add. Salayne Ritad, Altador's goalkeeper defended the goal down to the last second, preventing the Faeries' offense from scoring crucial points needed to win the game. On the other hand, forwards Foltaggio and Winberto Seliz broke through the Faeries' defense and scored excellent goals, propelling Altador to win their match. The Suns are up against Kreludor in today's match, but if they can continue playing at this level, they stand a fighting chance!

The Chillers were able to quell doubts about their side games skills as Brightvale was swept by the Chillers in today's match. In addition to averaging 7's in the side games, the Chillers went on to take Yooyuball as well, completing the sweep. This marks the third straight sweep for the Wizards. With only two days of gameplay left remaining in this tournament, the Wizards will need to regroup and figure out a way to finish the tournament on a high note. Their match against Faerieland today might just be the opportunity they're looking for.

For the last matchup of the Vaeolus Bracket, the Rooligans were able to make a successful push to prevent a sweep today against the Moons. Kreludor wasn't able to finish the job today as they allowed the sweep to fall right through their hands. It was a difficult match for the Rooligans, but in the end they were able to tie in Slushie Slinger which is not an easy feat to accomplish when you're up against a podium contender. The Moons were able to take the rest of the games as expected, but my guess is that Roo Island will be celebrating tonight! Now let's move on.

For today's matches to watch, upper tiered teams Lost Desert and Meridell will be facing off against each other today! This match will definitely be a close one, and the winner will likely be whoever is able to take Yooyuball. Both teams are predicted to win two games apiece, therefore, the games that each team wins are vital in determining the winner.

Maraqua and Shenkuu will also be going against each other today. The Ninjas might be able to pull off a draw in Yooyuball and Slushie Slinger which would end their losing streak. Will the Ninjas be able to pull off this daunting task?

The Robots and Natives will be battling it out on the field today in what is predicted to be a very close match. If either the Robots or the Natives are able to take Yooyuball or Slushie Slinger, the outcome of the match will likely change.

There's only two days left until the winner of the Altador Cup is announced! Stay tuned as we bring you the latest coverage. This is Matt signing off.

Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).