Mystery Island Natives Make Mincemeat of Minions

[Midtime]

Hello and welcome, everybody! Matt here, reporting live from our newsroom. In a surprising turn of events, only three sweeps occurred today! Guess we won't have to use as many broom puns as the previous days.

 

[A panicked cry is heard offscreen from the direction of the headline writer's office.] "But broom puns are all I had prepared!"

 

Rrriiiiight. Let's start off the report with the Alabriss Bracket.

 

The Faeries were absolutely overwhelmed by the strength of the Zombies. The Haunted Woods didn't let any signs of weakness show today, posting high scores in all games and leaving no space for the Faeries to slip through and snag a win. The Faeries are tied for 16th place with Terror Mountain overall, followed closely by Altador in 18th. Faerieland will be looking to hopefully improve their performance in the days to come.

 

Yooyuball was a close game today in the match between Roo Island and Maraqua. It was a tense last few minutes as both teams struggled to gain the Yooyu and make the final desperate shot. As the final whistle was blown, everybody's eyes turned to the scoreboard where they saw a big flashing 4-4, signaling the teams had tied. But the Rooligans were determined to take some victories home today. They shot numerous goals, slung slushies, and with their supporters cheering on, side-swept the Mermaids.

 

Elsewhere on the field, the Meridell Knights had a tough time defending against the offensive strength of Loryche and her team. Having only one defender wasn't a smart decision today for the Knights, as the Tyrannian offense took expert advantage of every opening they could find. As the dust settled on the game, Tyrannia came out ahead with a score of 7-5. The Fossils were also able to dominate the slushie tents, serving customers at lightning fast paces. Their enthusiasm skyrocketed through the room as they took Make Some Noise as well. The Knights were able to grab ahold of a victory in Shootout Showdown, exploiting Tyrannia's slight weakness in that game. While the Knights may have red in their record, they are sitting at 8th overall, tied with Krawk Island and Maraqua.

 

Now, let's take a look at the matches from the Minitheus Bracket.

 

[The voice from offscreen returns.] "Come on, there was a sweep in the Minitheus bracket! Why can't we use the broom pun titles?"

 

Rrriiiiiight. As our headline writer loudly mentioned, Virtupets continued their winning ways today as they swept the Mummies. The Mummies were unable to withstand the onslaught of goals brought upon them by the Robots. Lost Desert has probably been worn out, as this is their second day fighting the Robots. Today they face off against Brightvale, so we'll see if they can do better.

 

Brightvale pulled off a shocking near-sweep of the Kikos today. After their fantastic sweep against Krawk Island yesterday, the Kikos must've let their guard down today - a fatal mistake at this point in the Cup. Brightvale was able to take advantage of this, obtaining wins in almost all the games, sans Shootout Showdown which Kiko Lake barely managed to tie in today. Could this be the start of a downhill descent for the Kikos? Or will they be able to overcome this small bump and take a sweep home today against Altador, who will be looking to pull off another victory?

 

Speaking of Altador, this underdog has managed to pull off yet another surprising victory! This is the third day in a row that the Suns have shocked their opponents with unexpected skill. Today's win for Altador occurred in Slushie Slinger, which seems to be the team's strong point this season, and we'll see if they'll try to hone their slinging skills in the days to come. The Kikos are definitely going to try to stop the Suns in their tracks. The Suns remain hopeful in the chance that they could pull off a major comeback., but they'll have to take it one match at a time.

 

Now let's head to Midtime, who is out on the field once again to give us the rundown on the Vaeolus Bracket!

 

[Cut to a field reporter who, since his last appearance, seems to have taken the time to procure a set of earmuffs that are, for a change, a modest grey.]

 

"Thank you, Matt, for not making a joke about hovercraft or eels, which are all I've been getting since yesterday. Maybe I should actually try to learn Latin before using in public broadcasts. There's a lesson learned.

 

"Well, at least our headline writer is still on board. With all these people being recalled to look for Austin, it looks like there's hardly any one left...

 

"Ahem. The Vaeolus Bracket. I'll get to it, shan't I?

 

"Kreludor's winning streak came to an abrupt halt with their match against Moltara. This may come as little surprise, considering the opponent; nonetheless, many feel that the Moons have been doing well recently, and should have been able to match the Magmas' performance at least in the central game. Instead, Kreludor's scores have dropped precipitously, and fans fear that this sweep is significant of more than just a single bad day. Pressed for answers, Captain Derlyn Fonnet insisted that recent results were just 'a byproduct of our ongoing efforts to develop a better strategy', avowing confidence that Kreludor will rise to its proper height well before the Cup ends.

 

"The Natives have picked themselves up from their recent loss and come back with a vengeance, soundly defeating the Minions on the field and matching their efforts off it. The Minions' consistent performance, however, held up well enough - Mystery Island's performance in the shootouts has never been excellent, and the last side game went to the Citadel, offering more than a little consolation for their loss; while the fierce efforts of Native supporters, though surprisingly effective, were not quite enough to overwhelm the Darigan Citadel's... curiously well-organised cheering groups. Fascinating. Nonetheless, the Natives will be celebrating tonight, as the match is ultimately theirs.

 

"After a series of devastating losses, Terror Mountain appear to have broken through the clouds once more at the considerable expense of their less elevated opponents, Shenkuu. A series of startling plays put the Chillers ahead in Yooyuball and the shootouts, and had the Terror Mountain crowd roaring their approval. The Shenkuu side was somewhat quieter, and though the quality of their slushie service could be said to be all that saved the Ninjas from a sweep today, it remains to be seen whether they can muster up the enthusiasm to redeem their name in the remainder of the Cup.

 

"That's all the matches for today; thank you for listening. I shall send you back to Matt, now, and he'll sort out the matches to watch. Have a good day."

 

Thanks, Midtime! Polar opposites clash on the field today as Moltara takes on Terror Mountain. Tensions will certainly be high today as the Chillers will be looking to see if they can make a dent in the Magma's nearly spotless record - a tough feat indeed for them to attempt. Also, keep an eye out for the rematch between Darigan Citadel and Mystery Island. The Minions will be looking to redeem themselves after their loss to the Natives, which should make for an intense match.

 

That's it for today's report! This is Matt signing o-

 

[An angry-looking woman appears on-screen, tossing papers in the air as she crosses in front of Matt.] "... expect me to title this report? No, I am not prepared for this. I stayed up all night working on those puns, and your copy editor can't make coffee! Hire yourself a new headline writer! I QUIT!"

 

[On this dramatic note, the broadcast ends.]

 

 

Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).