Headline Writer Wanted: Must Know Dozens of Broom Puns

[Midtime]

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Hello and welcome, everybody! We're back! This is Matt reporting on what seems to be another day of sweeps. With only two matches not resulting in complete dominance, the leaders of the pack are starting to become clearly visible!

https://images.neopets.com/caption/caption_481.gif" alt="Ruki is Not Amused Either but is a Better Pic Choice than that Kadoatie was" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-width: 180px" /> First we turn to the Alabriss Bracket, where the powerhouses Haunted Woods and Krawk Island duked it out on the Yooyuball field! Although the Pirates have been doing well this season, the Zombies were able to take the victory in all games by a significant margin. Especially in Slushie Slinger, where the Zombies, despite their supposed sluggishness, were able to serve four times the amount of customers the Pirates did. Many happy Neopians had their slushie craving satisfied over at the Zombies' area.

https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2010/news_5.gif" alt="At Request of Matt" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px;" /> Lost Desert and Darigan Citadel butted heads on the battlefield as well. It was down to the final minute with the Mummies and the Minions tied, but Layton Vickles, Darigan's team captain, scored the final goal of the game, bringing the tally to a close 6-5 in the Minions' favor. Darigan Citadel was also able to snatch up the remaining games, posting up the same consistent 5s as they have the entire Cup.Last but not least, Tyrannia and Shenkuu! Stealth was not enough in this matchup, as the brute force of the Fossils allowed them to snatch all four games from the Ninjas. Currently, the Haunted Woods is leading the Alabriss Bracket, with Tyrannia and Darigan Citadel following. The Zombies will be fighting hard to maintain their lead, while the Fossils and Minions will be pushing equally hard to take their position.

https://images.neopets.com/tcg/cotd_hwoods/0022_RI20.gif" alt="ATTACK BROOM ZOMG" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-height: 200px;" /> The Minitheus Bracket also saw its fair share of sweeps today! The underdogs of the Minitheus had a tough time against each other, with only a one point margin in all games. However, the Brightvale Wizards were able to pull through with a complete victory. Their opponents Faerieland are notorious for stealing a side game once in a while, but we've not yet seen that happen. Will they be able to rally together and work as a cohesive team?

Kiko Lake emerged the overall victor in their match today against Kreludor. They were able to snag all games except for Shootout Showdown, which the Moons narrowly won. These little munchkins once again demonstrate the dangers of assessing them by their stature instead of their indomitable tenacity!

https://images.neopets.com/caption/caption_1185.jpg" alt="Get out of the kitchen BAHAHAHAHAHA" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px;" /> The stadium was jam-packed for the matchup between Moltara and Meridell today! Thousands of fans came out to watch today. It's a classic story, really - the weakest of the pack magically gains new skills and become one of the best overnight! Well, this underdog team is an underdog no more, as the odds were in the Magmas' favor today. The Knights' considerable experience was no help to them, as they could not handle the heat brought upon them by the Magmas. And if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. Right? Right? Nobody? It's like I'm talking to a camera operated by a rock…I think I need to pay a visit to the doctor, I swear I'm becoming more and more insane every minute! Sooner or later I'm going to surpass Austin in insanity! Back to the report, though! Moltara was able to cleanly sweep the Knights. That's all for the Minitheus Bracket. We turn the report over to-

https://images.neopets.com/nt/ntimages/82_tonu_tv.gif" alt="Television rots your brain" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-width: 200px" /> [The feed cuts in the middle of Matt's sentence, then switches over to a view of the stadium.]

No, no, I said 'immediately', but when I say that, I don't mean - oh!

Ahem. Salvete, viewers! This is Midtime, ah, from The Daily Neopets, reporting on the results from the Vaeolus Bracket and giving all you lovely people a wonderful view of the audience as they celebrate - or commiserate over, mustn't forget - those same results.

[The camera zooms in on a large crowd of cheering fans.]

https://images.neopets.com/altador/altadorcup/2012/games/862.png" alt="Dis Techo Be Cray" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px" /> Behind me at present is a considerable force of Virtupets supporters, helping themselves to refreshments and a bit of mutual praise - well-earned in light of their sweep to-day. The Robots' victory was no less overwhelming than any one expected: their service was perfect, their penalty shots were true, and every one of the team's eight Yooyuball goals was heralded by a fanfare that easily deafened the audience on the other side of the stadium - a contribution the fans do well to be proud of. Although some unsavoury rumours (and a good deal of hearing damage) have arisen around their as-yet insuperable performance, it seems nothing can dampen their spirits to-day. [The reporter gestures across the stadium.] Their opponents opposite are rather less sanguine, and though many of Maraqua's supporters emphasise that they gave a good showing, team captain Elon "The Black Hole" Hughlis addressed those remarks thus: "No one remembers who was good - only who was better. And just you wait: we'll be the best yet."

[The reporter indicates a brightly-coloured motley of pets not far away, whose exuberant voices can be faintly heard amid the Virtupets din.]

The Rooligans' supporters, a sight to behold at any time, still seem to be riding on the adrenaline rush of their success. It is difficult to approach them without getting drawn into the revelry. Dancing! I never could stand dancing. Either that, or I can't dance - I can never remember which. It's easy to look at their record so far and conclude that a single win, and a win only by majority in the side games at that, is hardly anything to cheer about; but Rooligan fans, famous for their unending positivity - an attitude that may well have won them to-day's match - are confident this is only the start of an upward trend. Those in the camp of the Natives, by contrast, are only pleased to have avoided a side-sweep by their victory in Shootout Showdown; they hold that if performance on the playing-field were all that mattered, the victory would have been theirs.

https://images.neopets.com/nt/nt_images/567_icecrystalshop.gif" alt="Cold and sweepy" style="margin: 5px; float: left; max-width: 200px" /> Among Altador's fans the outlook is less than good heavens I can't make this pun with a straight face. Never mind. After the Suns' astonishing performance last season, they can't help but be discouraged by this apparently inexplicable return to the norm of previous years. The Chiller support groups strike a sharp contrast, however, being just as pleased as they ought to be by their accomplishment, and certain that they can recover from the unfair hand they feel they were dealt in the first round. Captain Prytariel's official comments to reporters showed the same hopeful sentiment: "This isn't the first time we've had to climb up from the bottom."

https://images.neopets.com/sponsors/altadoralley/macandcheese/msnicons/msn_colliseum.gif" alt="Apparently this is a mac and cheese sponsor image" style="margin: 5px; float: right; max-width: 200px" /> Well, that's all the humdrum stuff done. Now I'd like to invite you all to appreciate the fine architecture of Altador's most famous colosseum. Much of its design can be traced back to the era of the myriad kingdoms, where-

[The reporter's words are thoroughly drowned out as loud music starts blasting from speakers set up somewhere in the middle of the Virtupets crowd. The reporter apparently raises his voice, shouting into the microphone, but to no effect. As the music really starts up, he storms off towards them.]

[After a few seconds, the video feed switches back to the studio.]

Thanks, Midtime! A rare occurrence to see you out on the field. Well, since the results from the Vaeolus Bracket have already been covered, let's move on to the interesting matches of the day. Mystery Island and Maraqua will be facing off today, and both teams are evenly matched in terms of score recently. It'll be interesting to see who emerges the victor. You may also want to see the match between Darigan Citadel and Tyrannia. It's a fight for second place in the Alabriss bracket. Both teams will be giving it their all against each other.

This has been another news report from yours truly! On behalf of Midtime and the rest of the Altador Cup staff here at The Daily Neopets, this is Matt signing off!

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Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily).