The Green Cheese Fairy Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 This is basically the prologue for my Neopets story Sixteen Pieces. I will probably add a short chapter One after it, but I want to see how my writing is first. Notes: Right now, off the bat, I dislike my dialogue for the ghost/spirit/apparition. I would also like to try to avoid word repetition, so please point out the words I use to much. This is a fairy tale that is meant to be told before the actual (more "modern") story is told. Point out grammar/spelling mistakes with cold, hard, ruthless energy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Story Before We Begin: Sit down, and I shall tell you of a tale so old, only the stars still bear witness to its truth. In that day and age, there was a young Yurble metalsmith and his wife who lived together in happiness in the land of Brightvale. The metalsmith loved his life. He enjoyed putting together trinkets, buckles, and other embellishments. His shop made enough profit barely to afford the necessities of life. But that was all they needed. His wife was a very fine lady. She managed a garden, cooked, and cleaned. The thing she liked the most in the whole wide world after her husband was to sew, and would embroidery his clothes for him, so that he though he may not have been the most finely dressed in the land of Brightvale, never was there so lovingly stitched patterns in all the land. And on those evenings when she just couldn’t finish all the chores she had to do that day, her husband would come home and together, they would finish the chores. He would cook dinner for her on those days. And they’d both finish there meals, and then go outside and enjoy the sunset together. But then, one day, while the metalsmith was working in his shop, a strange unexpected visitor hobbled into his shop. He was an old, wizened Kyrii, with a mysterious look in his eyes. He asked the metalsmith bring him some food. The metalsmith thought the old must be mistaking his shop for a restaurant. He though of turning him away, but then noticed the man had a staff with him. “He must have come a long way.†Thought the Yurble. “I shouldn’t drive out such an old man, especially with him being tired from his journey.†So, instead, the metalsmith offered the old man his lunch. The Kyrii ate ravenously. After he finished eating, he offered the metalsmith a large amount of money. “It’s alright, sir.†Replied the metalsmith. “You don’t have to give me all that money.†But the Kyrii begged. “Please, sir.†Groaned the Kyrii. “Accept this gift. Otherwise, I will be forced to give you a far more dangerous one.†The Yurble stayed firm. “I couldn’t not ask you to part with your money for a little homemade bread and some milk.†The Kyrii seemed saddened by the Yurble’s decision, but seeing as he could do nothing to change his mind, he decided to nap a while in the shop. The metalsmith got back to his work. Yet, when he looked up to check on his customer, he was gone. All that was left was a small scroll with a foreign emblem on it. At first, the Yurble was hesitant to open it or touch it, as it could have been dangerous. However, after a while, he saw that there was no way he would be able to return it to it’s owner without looking at it. So, with uttermost caution, he peered inside it. To his surprise, he did not find a curse or a spell, but instructions. The dialect was old, and hard to understand. The Yurble closed up his shop early, and spend nearly the whole day trying to figure it out. When he got home, his wife greeted him happily. He showed her the scroll. She said she did not know how to read it. That evening was one of the last happy evenings they spent together. The next day, the Yurble took the scroll to a great, learned man in the main part of the city. The scholar, who knew of the ancient language, translated some of it. On the scroll, it gave instructions on how to build an incredible artifact of gold. This artifact would give the bearer an amazing gift. However, the scholar tried to warn the Yurble that it would be dangerous to try to follow the instructions, as he was unable to translate the whole scroll. However, now the metalsmith’s interest had been piqued. He began to work diligently on the project of trying to recreate the artifact in the project. The Yurble himself felt he was already happy. However, he knew that there were many other Neopets in other kingdoms that were not as fortunate as he. What he wanted to do was to make the artifact in hopes of delivering it to the rulers of Neopia. That way, the gift given by the artifact could in fact be given to the whole land. His wife was very glad to see he had such a wonderful project to work on. However, after a while, she began to worry about him. He started coming home later and later. On some days, it appeared he had been fighting, though he wouldn’t say where. His shop made less and less money, until one day, he closed up his shop and disappeared with out a trace. All his wife could do was to sit at home and embroidery clothes, waiting for his return. Finally, after many years, the Yurble himself had become an old man. Upon returning home to finish his artifact, he learned his wife was dead. Saddened, the Yurble was forced to complete what he had now dedicated his life to. Each day brought him more sadness, as he missed his wife. And then, he completed it. As he carved the last symbol in the final piece, a strange apparition appeared to him. “You who have fashioned the Puzzle, step forward to accept your two fates.†The Yurble was shocked. “But… but… I was going to deliver this to the kings of Neopia, that they may reap the benefits of your wonderful gifts.†The ghost shook its head. “You who do not understand, listen and learn: the nature of this artifact parts will indeed give the bearer a marvelous fate. However, this gift comes pair with a fate that is terrible and hard to bear.†The Yurble’s eyes widened. “You mean, all I have tried to do for Neopia… it all will bring suffering.†“There is nothing that you can do. All that is left is to accept the gifts I bring.†The apparition waved its hand. “First: know this. Your craft will greatly affect the future of Neopia. Many in the future will be touched by the gifts of this artifact.†“Secondly: I send you into everlasting sleep.†And with that, the old Yurble breathed his last, and fell into eternal slumber. Now I ask you, before you think of the events that may lie ahead: which was the blessing, and which was the curse? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And thusly begins my prologue to the beginning of my story, Sixteen Pieces. Pretty please comment with some lovely constructive criticism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superfly Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 very, very interesting...I wanna know what happens! xD I didn't notice any spelling/grammer mastakes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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