sarahqzq Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I'm hoping this is the right board D: I didn't see one specific to pet applications or critiques so I'm really sorry if it's in the wrong spot! I recently made an application for Saki_Amamiya2001 the UC faerie aisha, and I would really appreciate harsh app critiques! Seriously, just, act like I am not a human and have no feelings! I would love to be Saki's new owner, and anything you find wrong please let me know! I'm not the best at writing, so any improvements there would be helpful! c: Anything I say sound stupid/off-putting? tell me! C: It's not 100% done, I still have to do a lot more art so it looks less text-heavy, do some aisha adoptable trades, and more things im sure! But I feel that the writing is all written, so that's what I'd loved critiqued. I hope that made sense to you, and I really appreciate any help offered! c: App is at http://www.neopets.com/~uh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren_x Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) Oh my gosh it looks amazing so far :D I think you missed an e off 'demure' in the Personality paragraph. The fact about the eyes was so cute ^-^ ~It might just be me but this "Many hearts can be made out on Saki's pelt" sounded to me like you were kind of going to skin her o_O Not something you'd want. Maybe, "Many heart-shaped patterns can be found on Saki" or something of the like. ~Also All Saki know is that enchanted pollen sounds slightly different, it gives off a slightly different frequency than regular pollen. I'd say cut out either the first slightly different or the second so it says something like "All Saki knows is that the enchanted pollen has a slightly different frequency than regular pollen [which helps her single it out]" OR (because I didn't know pollen had a frequency :P ) "All Saki knows is that enchanted pollen gives out a delicate hum" or some such thing ~"Aishas highly valued in this line of work" You missed out an 'are' Anyhow FANTASTIC app so far - the layout is beautiful. I hope you get her! Also I just had a quick stalk through your NT comics and they are so fabulous you are a true artist! Edited because I suck at writing fast I mean 'a truly artist' pahaha :D Edited May 1, 2012 by lozzerrr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saxen Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 It looks fantastic so far!! One thing I will say though; are you planning on keeping all those rules at the side and your trade status? I was confused for a second thinking I'd gone to an art trades page XD I would recommend taking that part out, seeing as you're applying to the foster and it sort of implies the foster might use your work in the BC :P I've also noticed a few capitals that are missing; gnorbu, faerie; anything Neopets related that is the name of something should start with a capital letter. I only had a quick skim read but if you would like me to properly go through your app and fix any grammatical errors I can do so. Not tonight because I haven't slept and am knackered XD But tomorrow for sure if you need ^_^ Let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahqzq Posted May 1, 2012 Author Share Posted May 1, 2012 @lozzerrr, Thank you so much! I really appreciate the help! and I lol'd at the skinning thing x'DD awh shucks, thanks. c: me and a friend entered together. c: her ideas my art. c: @saxen, I was planning on it, as they're the rules for the adoptables, but if its confusing I don't know now D: I would love a deeper read, if you've the time! c: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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