"All Boy's School Survivial Guide" for girls

[Maryyam]

Hi guys, I wrote a little story and would love to hear feed back, or criticism

 

"All Boy's School Survival Guide" for girls

 

Synopsis:

 

Aliza is in a binding situation, literally! With her chest constricted, wearing her brother's loose clothing, and dropping her voice to the lowest level, she's attending Ascham, an all boy's school! If that's not enough, throw in an extremely hot roommate, who suspects Aliza, aka Alex, of not being exactly what "he" appears to be and you have a chaotic relationship---if you can even call it that.

http://www.wattpad.com/257206-quot-all-boy...girls-chapter-1

 

It's posted at wattpad.com for writers and such, let me know what you think :rolleyes_anim:

[Unstream]

Good story :yes:

 

I would just do a little editing. Watch out for some grammar/mechanical errors.

For example:

"I will be in England next week though Izzy." Alex said smugly. "Alex, you've lost it! You have to work in Astley's if you don't want to end up with a record, and i'm still not sure you can actually go to jail for whatever happened in the pub. You can't go out of the country. If Jimmy gives the tape to the police, you can easily get expelled from Ascham and be brought back easily."

Something like that would mean that Alex is saying everything in that paragraph. To indicate Izzy saying the second part, you'd have to do this:

"I will be in England next week though Izzy." Alex said smugly.

 

"Alex, you've lost it! You have to work in Astley's if you don't want to end up with a record, and i'm still not sure you can actually go to jail for whatever happened in the pub. You can't go out of the country. If Jimmy gives the tape to the police, you can easily get expelled from Ascham and be brought back easily."

That was just the one I saw most consistently throughout your story. Watch out for that ;)

But otherwise, it's really good. I'd like to find out what happens next :)

[Captain Awesome Pants]

Somebody's a Twelfth Night fan. :) I absolutely love that play.

 

I did notice a few spelling errors, although I forgot where. I think at the very beginning, you put sign instead of sigh, and later on you put pooped instead of popped.

[Maryyam]

Good story :yes:

 

I would just do a little editing. Watch out for some grammar/mechanical errors.

For example:

 

Something like that would mean that Alex is saying everything in that paragraph. To indicate Izzy saying the second part, you'd have to do this:

 

That was just the one I saw most consistently throughout your story. Watch out for that ;)

But otherwise, it's really good. I'd like to find out what happens next :)

i will go and change that right now :3 thx sooo much for noticing, i can never see these things when i am writing it though >.<

[AhMunnaEatChoo10]

Yep,the story's pretty good.A few spelling mistakes though.

Eyes pooping, Aliza digested all that he told her and as he continued to tell his story, she became even more alarmed.

Hey,your eyes can't poop!xD{pooping.now that made my laugh of the day.xDD} well,my advice is for you to follow Unstream's advice. :thumbsup: