Queen Milli Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Hello all :D I am applying for a Draik called Atisy. My application is here. So please have a look, and tell me if there is any mistakes. Also, any reference neomails would be apreciated :D I am writing the story at the moment here is a Preview (all I have at the moment, and is in HTML form): Atisy stretched her wings out and yawned. It had been a long day, and she longed to go to bed. But she knew that the day had only just begun for her, and she needed to finish her transformation, from boring blue to desert, to royal and then faerie. Soon she would be really be a Princess I everyone’s eyes, not just hers had her new families. <p> The rainbow pool was only a short distance away from her new house and she was grateful, as her old one had been many cities away and I her current sleepy state she didn’t want to walk long. As she walked, she thought, all of the new things… Milli, – or Mummy as her new sisters Bella, Twilight and Dragon called her – her new sisters, her new home, her new friends, all of the new things that had happened. Soon she was at the pool and she saw Milli and her sisters sitting on the bench with a paintbrush in her hand. Atisy tilted her head to a side to see what type of paintbrush it was. “Atisy! Great, you are here! We have a Desert Paintbrush! Come over here and your sisters will paint you!” Milli said. “We get to paint you!” Bella said stating the obvious. “Bella!” Atisy laughed, “You are so good for me, I am so glad you let me come live with you” Smiling Twilight said, “Atisy! Come on Bella has to go home to bed soon!” “Oh…” Milli said walking up to Atisy and whispering, “I would like you to come home with me, Dragon is taking Bella and Twilight home, I would like to talk to you for a bit.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChaoticFission Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 well, the first thing i noticed right away was the spelling on the 2nd image... http://i235.photobucket.com/albums/ee215/M.../Picture2-2.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FutureTXTurkey Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Except for general spelling and grammar check...like chaotic pointed out... I think it's great! I love how you have all these custom plans for her that shows how you are a unique applicant who really cares. I also think putting in the story is a must! It just really goes that extra mile to show how hard you worked and how much you want her. The images are great, for sure keep them, but a little distracting...you might consider moving them to somewhere else on the page either higher up or lower down so that they are sitting right in the middle of your message distracting the eye. My only supplemental suggestion is this. I do love that you included your current pets and had them greet Atisy, that is just adorable and I think it says a lot for your personality as a owner. However if your able and willing to put in the cash or points I think your current pets could be a little more customized. You mention that you want her painted those several different colors so that she can be unique and always looking her best, so I think it is important that you back that up by showing your current pets looking really unique and snazzy. Good luck! Your a great owner and user, so I hope you get her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Milli Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Okay, I am not that good at spelling so I will fix as much as I can :D And I will find pink and purple items for Twilight, I can't do much more with Bella, but I will do something with Dragon too :D Okay, I put the items I will be putting on her in too. All I need to do is spelling and story, maybe more art too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphy the Swamp Witch Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Pretty well done. Apart from the spelling/grammar mistakes, the white dots in the pictures are somewhat disturbing. Remember it's best to save in PNG if you're using MS Paint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Milli Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 I don't use MS Paint, I am on a Mac. And they are in PGN :P I am doing a grammer/spelling check at the moment :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphy the Swamp Witch Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Oh lol XD. All the same, there seem to be white dots around her eyes. I can attempt drawing some fanart for you, if you want, but I don't know if I have the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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