blaisezabini Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Hello and welcome, everybody! The Altador Cup is finally over! It's been a crazy month, to say the least! With everything from Austin being arrested numerous times, to explosions in our very own newsroom, my first year as a reporter has definitely been a memorable one! After twenty-nine excruciating days, the dust has settled and the long-awaited results have been announced! Here to share them with you are myself, Matt, and my co-anchor Katie who is out on the field for the first time! Now we have Katie to get us started with the results! [The feed first cuts to a panorama shot of Altador. Then, it follows the celebrations taking place outside the Colosseum.] Thanks, Matt! As my co-anchor mentioned, it's my first time venturing out into the throng of Altador Cup fans, and boy, are things lively! To my left are some lovely pastel-colored jerseys and pennants marking the camaraderie of the Faerieland team; the scene on my right has gathered some Virtupets fans, garbed in chrome; and further ahead are the distinct camps of the Moltara and Mystery Island supporters. I'm here to discuss this year's Bottom Four, whose efforts won't go without notice. Even when they were down, they simply did not give up! Such raw determination is admirable, don't you think? [An eager Magmas fan sneaks up from behind and swipes the microphone away.] Moltara fan: Yeah! Of course it is! Uh, well, that was a rhetorical question-- Moltara fan: We nearly swept Mystery Island and Faerieland, and everyone thought our team was full of hot air. We had results, it just didn't show! True. You did also have nine Shootout Showdown wins to show. A real question for you now: what are you hoping for Moltara to improve upon next year? Moltara fan: We've got to get out of last place, duh! Our team is much more capable of a higher ranking. That's pretty much it, as we've got to take it one step at a time. Great. Can I have my microphone back? Moltara fan: I'll play you some trivia for it, how about that? Really? Okay, fine. Let's play. [An intense round of Altador Cup trivia ends in the reporter's favor, allowing her to continue meandering around the various celebrations.] Now that the microphone debacle has been sorted out, we return to our final results coverage. Next up, we have our first tie -- Virtupets and Faerieland are sixteenth! [The mention of both teams draws attention from the respective supporters.] Faerieland fan: We had five Yooyuball wins! Go, Worrill! Virtupets fan: Yeah, well, we had seventeen! Faerieland fan: Both of our teams got side-swept by Mystery Island, so there! Virtupets fan: You know what I have to say about that? 001010101010 010101 0101010110 01010 010101011101 0101011110100110 110110! Whoa, there! This is family-friendly television! We don't need another lawsuit on our hands, okay? Both of your teams deserve some merit, no matter what the standings say. Virtupets fan: Right, sorry. Faerieland did win Yooyuball twice against Kiko Lake, which is rather impressive. Faerieland fan: Seventeen Yooyuball wins are amazing! See? That's the Altador Cup spirit! Both Virtupets and Faerieland have the potential to climb in the standings, and next year could be the year they do! The Robots need to establish a stronger presence in the beginning of the Cup to amass points early on, which may be holding them back from a higher finish. Faerieland would like to prove to everyone that they can be a force to be reckoned with, and especially a team that can cause upsets. We'll have to see if captain Kakoni Worrill can make that a reality next year. Before I hand over our coverage to Matt in the newsroom, I've got one more team to report on: Mystery Island. I'm approaching the festive campsite as I speak -- the music is quite loud, but also very spirited. A kind Island Techo has put his flute aside to speak with me. I'm from TDN and I'd like to ask you-- Mystery Island fan: The Daily Neopets? Like Austin from TDN? The one involved in the Kau explosions? Er, well, yes, our emphatic Austin is our usual field reporter... and I cannot comment on the allegations of Kau explosions. I'm just your regular Altador Cup reporter. I'd like to ask you about Mystery Island's season this year: Was it what you expected? Mystery Island fan: Going from second to fifteenth place isn't exactly a picnic, I'll tell you that. Sure, it may have been a rough year, but certainly there's a silver lining to it all? Mystery Island fan: Some of our best outings came against teams Virtupets and Faerieland, who we side-swept during our match-ups. So I heard! Not too bad. Any comments on what you'd like to see next year for the Natives? Mystery Island fan: We all agree that we would like to place higher than fifteenth place, and a Yooyuball win wouldn't hurt either. We still have faith in Volgoth! Thank you! I've got to pass off the report to Matt now to report on the next ten rankings, as I've been coerced into jamming out with the Natives of Mystery Island. What a fun bunch! This has been an enthralling field report from yours truly, Katie. Thanks, Katie. It seems like there's a lot of action at the colosseum! It's lively in here as well! Plushies from all teams have been scattered around the newsroom. Isn't this Darigan Citadel plushie the cutest? Before I get too distracted, let's get on with the results from the middle of the pack, the middle ten! In fourteenth place we have Kiko Lake! The Kikos had a fairly good season this year, and although it's a big drop from their finish in sixth place last year, they certainly had some highlights. The Kikos were able to nearly sweep Meridell twice, which was no easy feat. The Kikos' record of 19/25 wins in Slushie Slinger is also nothing to scoff at! Next year, the Kikos hope to have a stronger presence earlier on in the Cup, and to use their Slushie Slinger skills to their advantage. Tied for twelfth place we have the Lost Desert Mummies and the Shenkuu Ninjas! These two teams had a decent run this year, each team having some highlights to note. Lost Desert was able to nearly sweep Terror Mountain, and was also able to win Yooyuball against Shenkuu and Brightvale. It seems that the Mummies have fallen through the rankings again; will they be able to recover next year? If they're able to strengthen their core, and make sure that they don't stretch themselves too thin, they'll definitely improve next year. As for Shenkuu, they were able to side-sweep Virtupets and the Lost Desert and were also able to deal a loss to powerhouse Roo Island. The Ninjas have fourteen Slushie Slinger wins, and if they can work on their Yooyuball skills and focus on Slushie Slinger, they'll have a chance at placing higher next year. The Brightvale Wizards were able to take eleventh place. Like other teams in the middle, the Wizards were able to do very well in Slushie Slinger, obtaining fifteen wins total. They were able to deliver Altador's first loss in Slushie Slinger, which was amazing! They'll be looking to keep their consistency up, and also focusing on advancing in the rankings. We'll see if they have what it takes to rise in the rankings next year. Tied for ninth place, the Maraqua Mermaids were able to pull off an amazing year! Sweeping powerhouse Darigan Citadel, and former champions Kreludor, Maraqua was a force to be reckoned with! Their eighteen wins in Make Some Noise and Shootout Showdown were also very impressive. At the end of the day, however, those wins don't make much of a difference if the Mermaids don't place well in the brackets. So next year, they'll be wanting to be a stronger presence in the beginning of the bracket system as well as the remainder of the Cup. Now before we get on with the rest of the results, we have breaking news to report! The charges against Austin have been formally brought up, and the trial is being aired now! Let's watch! [The feed cuts to a stone floor. Light can be seen from the upper-left.] We at TDN would like to thank the Magistrati for their aid in transcribing parts of the following segment. Peregrine Praetor Livia: Austin Johan Mustachio, you are hereby charged under Altadorian Council Law with the following criminal offences: Child Destruction, Endangering the Safety of an Aircraft, Arson, Riot, Cruelty to Persons under 16, Assaulting a Prison Officer, Hostage Taking, Abduction, Offenses Against Neopolitic Protection of Nuclear Material, Breach of Prison, Assisting Prisoners to Escape, Bomb Hoax… [The camera swivels upwards, focusing briefly on a field reporter, Midtime, standing in front of an arched window.] Oh! Is that camera -- ah. My mistake. Salvete, dear viewers! You see before you now -- [Visible through the window is the centre of a vast court, enclosed by terraced seats in Altadorian fashion, whereunto the camera turns.] -- one of the famous tribunals of Altador, constructed, in fact, in the second century of the kingdom, specifically for the discharge of criminal cases -- what? I am not rambling. This is important information that the audience may well find relevant. They wo’n’t -- they are hardly going to change the channel: we are, and have been, the primary source for -- this is very important work: d’you understand that? [The cameraperson is heard to mention the name 'Lydia'.] You cannot er well all right. Criminal cases, dear viewers, such as the one going on at this very moment: a villain of the most classically dastardly sort (one whose acts, of course, we have nothing to do with) has finally been detained, and the charges against him have just finished being read by the praetor inter cives et peregrinos, Gaia Altadoria Livia Librata (which is translated, Livia the Staid), whose personal presence here is clearly indicative of the gravity of these accusations. It is not customary for such procedures to be open to the public, for fear of disruption; but as this is a matter that concerns a good portion of Altador’s population, and much of the rest of Neopia besides, we have been specially permitted to observe, and to broadcast the results throughout the television-attendant world. Now the legal proceedings in Altador differ somewhat from those in Central, and as such you see neither prosecutor in person, nor the impassioned rhetoric that usually attends an adversarial trial. The work of the advocates both for and against the accused can be seen in the documents that the iudices are now examining, which are supposed to present the entire case as clearly as possible, and not to influence their judgement or interpretation to the extent of which a skilled speaker is capable. The iudices are those other figures that are visible in the seats below the sella curulis. While the praetor is an official selected for her position by Altadorius Venator himself, each iudex has been selected by the praetor specifically for the occasion. Well, it appears -- to no surprise -- that the guilt of the defendant has been ascertained in almost the full list of his alleged crimes. However, if I recall correctly, it is generally considered necessary to secure the firm testimony of the defendant, whether for or against his culpability in each matter, and furthermore his willingness to accept his punishment. The first part of this obligation was discharged earlier on; but -- ah, here it comes. We will greatly benefit from listening in silence for this section. Peregrine Praetor Livia: Mr Austin Johan Mustachio, do you admit your guilt concerning the aforementioned charge of Child Destruction? Austin: I'm innocent! Ah, he motions for an -- what? Oh, all right, I’ll be quiet. Peregrine Praetor Livia: Do you then uphold this claim against the verdict of the quaestio? Austin: Ma'am, I don't understand French. You're gonna have to speak English. [The iudices are seen to converse briefly among themselves. After a few seconds, the praetor motions them to be silent.] Peregrine Praetor Livia: Very well. Do you admit your guilt concerning the aforementioned charge of Endangering the Safety of an Aircraft? Austin: Safety of an Aircraft? What on earth are you talking about? Peregrine Praetor Livia: I refer to the self-same charge of which you were convicted in the hearing of the court, some twenty minutes ago. Austin: Look, the only reason I destroyed the aircraft was because it had a bomb in it. I was saving countless numbers of innocent lives. Peregrine Praetor Livia: You have already given your testimony in this regard, with... Indeed he did; it was defeated by video evidence, which is by law accounted to be invincible against verbal testimony -- oh, sorry. Peregrine Praetor Livia: ...according to which we will no longer accept further assertions. The court requires you to answer the question asked. Austin: You know what? I don't need your criticism. Y'all don't know me! I'm out of here! [Austin kicks away one of the guards standing at his side and tosses a small metallic object at his feet, which produces a sudden flash of white light. The camera is abruptly dropped to the ground. A few seconds pass before it is finally recovered and turned to the centre of the court, where various personnel are shown collapsed and unconscious, and whence Austin -- along with his guards, and a perfect hemisphere of the ground below him several metres wide -- has disappeared.] Well! I think that concludes our segment; don’t you? I am going to pass the baton back to Matt very quickly. Thank you for watching, friends. Pax vobiscum. Well, wasn't that...interesting. Hopefully we'll be able to hear from Austin later on. Let's continue on with the results! Also tied for ninth place, we have the Haunted Woods Zombies. Haunted Woods has had a good year as well, nearly sweeping Brightvale and powerhouse Meridell! They were also able to give Roo Island two losses, which you all probably know is not an easy thing to do. Like Brightvale, the Mummies’ consistency is good, but they've made slow progress in advancing to the top. Their slow start set them up for a poor bracket ranking, so next year we'll see if they can get out of their slump at the beginning! We have another tie to report! Terror Mountain and former champions Team Kreludor are tied for seventh! Kreludor did very well this year, and despite winning last year, they haven't faltered from the winner's curse as badly as previous teams have. They were able to give losses to Roo Island in Make Some Noise, and were also able to sweep Darigan Citadel and Haunted Woods! They did very well considering that they had the winner's curse with them. Does this mean that the winner’s curse doesn't have as much as an effect as in past years? We'll see if Tyrannia will be able to do well next year. If Kreludor can improve in all the games slightly, they'll be a force to be reckoned with next year. As for Terror Mountain, they did very well from the middle to the end of the Cup! They stood fast against numerous powerhouse teams, such as Altador, whom they were able to give losses in Slushie Slinger and Shootout Showdown. They also had a sixteen-day Yooyuball streak! Amazing! Their hopes next year are to have a stronger presence early on, and to keep that presence remaining for the Cup! Meridell took sixth place. The Knights were able to do very well at the start of the Cup! They were also able to take numerous first-place bracket finishes, which resulted in their high-ranking finish! The Knights were able to do very well in Shootout Showdown, only losing five games in the entire Cup. They were also able to sweep their powerhouse rival, Darigan Citadel! Amazing! Next year, they'll be looking to be on the podium and to do so, they'll have to keep up motivation later on in the Cup, along with improving their Yooyuball and Slushie Slinger skills! Rounding out our middle ten, at the top in fifth place we have Darigan Citadel! The Minions had an average performance this year in comparison to their other years, and they were able to keep their team from falling below seventh place! They nearly swept powerhouse Krawk Island and also Haunted Woods. Their fourteen Shootout Showdown wins are nothing to scoff about, but they do need to improve their skills in all the games if they want to do better. Their hopes for next year are to keep up motivation, especially middle-to-late in the Cup, which is where we saw the Minions struggle. They also have some redeeming to do, and hopefully they'll be able to show us that they have what it takes to remain a powerhouse team by rising higher in the rankings next year! Now let's turn it over to Katie, who will finish off this report with the top four teams! I'm back from my jam session with the Mystery Island Natives to report on your Top Four this season! This is Katie, your newly-turned field reporter, giving you the scoop on all the wild celebrations from the top teams this year! Krawk Island supporters are blasting off cannons filled with confetti and petpets, which seems highly questionable, while the Rooligans are having a massive gathering to celebrate their podium finish. The two most humongous celebrations, however, belong to Altador and Tyrannia. The Fossils are rocking the house with their guest musical performers, but the Altador fans are going absolutely nuts, just like our favorite Crazy Techo! Krawk Island had an exceptional season this year, especially as they destroyed their competition during the third round of play. That round in particular, in which they cite no losses, helped propel them to a higher finish. [interjecting] Krawk Island fan: And we nearly swept Meridell, Kreludor, and Maraqua too, arrrrgh! Right on! What are you shooting out of those cannons? Krawk Island fan: Confetti, o' course! What about those petpets, mhm? I'd watch out for the PPL if I were you. Krawk Island fan: Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head, lass. They enjoy it! It's like a game! I'll abstain, thank you. I'm just here to record your reaction to the final standings. Krawk Island: We're overjoyed! We're in the mood for plundering, arrrrrgh! Fourth place is decent enough, but we'll get back to the podium next year... Fantastic! Carry on. The next scene I'm walking toward is that of our third-place winners -- Roo Island! The fan fervor is intense for the Rooligans, who have a shiny new bronze trophy to take home. Roo Island's record is-- [interjecting] Roo Island fan: TeROOfic. Spontaneous, okay. I can dig that. Can you elaborate, please? Roo Island fan: I mean, we ROOlly pounded Tyrannia in Slushie Slinger and Shootout Showdown, and that's not even the best part! We bROOke their undefeated streak. That's brilliant. Excellent work! Didn't you also give Altador a loss in Shootout Showdown? Roo Island fan: Yeah! Our team set out to pROOve that previous champions can be consistent, and we Rooligans will try to do the same next year. BOING! Indeed. Thank you for your time! And now we're heading to the extremely bright celebration over to my right, which seems to belong to the Suns... The hosts of the tournament have outshone most of the other teams this year, as they have taken second place! Many of the supporters are simply basking in the ambiance of their victory, while a few of the younger fans have been keeping things lively with some Clockwork Yooyus. [The distraction with the Clockwork Yooyus works. Two of the Altador fans steal the microphone and fight over possession of it.] Oh, no, not again! Altador fans: WE ARE THE BEST! Well, second-best, technically... Altador fans: Who cares? Nuance! We're going to celebrate all night! For the first time in eight years, we get to party hard! I need to ask you about this season, so hold off on your celebrations for a moment! What was special about your run for the podium this year? Altador fans: Nine losses. Nine losses the entire Cup! Isn't that just awesome? That warrants some celebration, baby! Well, certainly. Any hopes for next year? Altador fans: Probably watch out for that pesky winner's curse or whatever Mystery Island had. For now, we're going out with a bang! Oh, okay... can I have my microphone back, please? Altador fans: Sure, and you should probably stand back... [They hand back the microphone before riling up a few Clockwork Yooyus. The Yooyus start glinting with red light.] Are they going to... explode? I didn't sign up for this, argh! RUN! [bOOOOOOOOOOOOM!] [The reporter is out of breath by the time she gets to the Tyrannian campsite.] Finally! I've arrived at this year's champions’ bash, where various guest musical performers have been playing nonstop since the standings were announced. The Fossils' music is simply timeless. Let's see if I can snag a willing interviewee for a brief moment while the concerts rage on... Excuse me, can you comment on your victory run and unprecedented win streak? Tyrannia fan: UGGA UGGA! UGGA SMASH! No need to get nasty! Can I get a translator, please? Yes, you can? Okay! Tyrannia translator: This gentleman says that his team enjoyed stomping on their competition in order to bring home the gold trophy. Make Some Noise was their favorite, as they have had much practice with making a racket. What poetry! Such lovely cadences come from the Tyrannian language. Can you tell us what your team hopes to achieve next year? Tyrannia fan: UG UGGA UG UG UGGA. Tyrannia translator: What else? Avoid the winner's curse! Truer words have never been spoken. You've heard it all right here from TDN! I've got a few more minutes to enjoy the celebrations taking place outside the Colosseum, so let's send it back up to Matt to wrap up our final report for the eighth Altador Cup! This has been your usual co-anchor, Katie, reporting to you live from Altador. Good night! Thanks, Katie, for your excellent report. I hope you have fun with the Tyrannians! Well, thanks for reading, everyone! I hoped you all enjoyed this year's Altador Cup, and I also hope that your fingers haven't fallen off! Get plenty of rest and have a great year, everybody! From all of us at The Daily Neopets, thank you for sticking with us through all our shenanigans! You guys are the best, and we hope to see you all next year for AC IX! I would also like to thank the Altador Cup team: Lydia, Theo, Livvy, Xepha, Noog, Midtime, Katie, Austin, and Bryce! Without them, delivering all this coverage wouldn't be possible, so I would just like to say: thank you all for your hard work, and I look forward to working with you guys next year! This has certainly been an Altador Cup that I won't forget! We'll see you next year! [static.] [The camera cuts to Austin holding what looks to be a detonator, with the Colosseum in the background.] You know, they call me crazy. I break out of jail countless times to stay on the crew, yet I'm still treated like some kind of criminal. They say my Johan character was too much, that rock isn't real, and that I'm a liability. I'll show them a liability... [Austin presses the button, and the Colosseum explodes.] Call me crazy again! I dare you! You know what's really crazy? All these shenanigans that I've been in have been for a good cause. You just don't know it... yet. Just wait, and you'll see how everything I've done impacts the world. It's been fun, Neopia. Have a great year! And remember, stay classy. [Hundreds of armoured guards have slowly become visible. All of them are running towards the cliff where Austin is standing.] You know, after a full month of doing this, you'd think those guys would have learned. I'm unstoppable. So long, Neopia! [Austin jumps off the cliff and swoops into the air with some sort of powered glider. He glides into the sunset.] Obligatory disclaimer: This news report was written to inform you all of the latest Altador Cup results in as entertaining a manner as possible. The rest of its content is largely fictional, composed from various fan comments and the whims of our imagination in an attempt to inspire a sense of realism through our reporting. While we do our best to keep things reasonably neutral, this report is in no way intended to be a completely bias-free listing of the day's results, nor does it claim to provide critical analysis of past and potential outcomes from qualified Altador Cup experts. Please note that the opinions formulated in this report are from a full team of different reporters, and in no way represent the views of only a single faction. If you're looking for 100% unbiased performance data, take a look at our standings page. If professional analysis tickles your fancy, you want our predictions pages (global/daily). Lydia Trebond, Clumsy rockyroad1, Rebecca~ and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voteforpedro333 Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Austin, what are you doing? AUSTIN STAHP NO They're really going to have to monitor those clockwork yooyu sales... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgJu Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 It was a wonderful year for Terror Mountain and I hope it's a sign of good fortune to come! Well done, Chillers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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