chubit

This is a really interesting thread!
 
I'm Jewish & some of my community are very orthodox, which means they don't touch the opposite gender. So, when with these people, I tend to just not touch any guys whatsoever (not even to shake hands!) just to make sure no one is embarrassed. (Like, my own friends who I know have decided not to do it, I do hug, but in general I try and be respectful)
 
The oddest thing though is that everyone is REALLY friendly, so to make up for it, ALL the guys hug each other and all the women hug each other. So it's like I get the extreme of both worlds in one go.
 
I'm also English/live in London, which is kinda' the opposite. People will barge into you, shake anyone's hand, but they HATE hugging/being affectionate, and really don't like it if strangers/people they just meet try to hug them.

I got all of the *big three* (pea, BGC & MSPP) in three days!
Feeling very pleased with myself (:

I got all of the *big three* (pea, BGC & MSPP) in three days!
Feeling very pleased with myself (:

I got all of the *big three* (pea, BGC & MSPP) in three days!
Feeling very pleased with myself (:

I got all of the *big three* (pea, BGC & MSPP) in three days!
Feeling very pleased with myself (:

I got all of the *big three* (pea, BGC & MSPP) in three days!
Feeling very pleased with myself (:

I got all of the *big three* (pea, BGC & MSPP) in three days!
Feeling very pleased with myself (:

I finally got the nimmos pond avatar!
That's taken me years to do. When I was younger, it was my favourite avatar & the one I wanted more than ever
(I love the colour green)
 
I just have to work out a new font, so I can use it.

One aspect I'd like to point out to some of the people who seem to think the choices are 'be whole and trust everyone' or 'be broken and assume everyone is evil' - many women who are cautious and reserved are NOT assuming everyone is evil. What they are doing is assessing the possibilities that some danger exists and choosing not to take those chances. That doesnt mean they are 'broken'.

Consider that some women keep their purses/valuables under very close watch, women who have been robbed probably more so than others. They dont think *every* person on the metro wants to rob them. They do know realistically that even if only one person in their section does, that makes it worth being careful. Someone anecdotally saying 'well i left my purse on the seat next to me on the metro and nothing happened' doesnt make the cautious women wrong or broken. It just means that particular woman lucked out.

Selecting obnoxious examples of feminists and using it to define why someone 'doesnt like feminism' is like picking out religious extremists to judge a whole religion by. Every group has some jerks and worse. That doesnt define feminism. On a large scale there are massive rights problems that desperately need fixing. And there a dozens of ways to do that, small and large, with different styles and outlooks.

I belong to a feminist society at my univeristy. (I'm actually a committee member)
I'm incredibly proud to be part of this society, and we run loads of great events (I'll tell you them at the bottom, you should really find out if your local University/college/school has a feminist society, as they're great)
 
But as someone who has been involved/seen a lot of these discussions, and although I always respect everyone's opinions (even when I disagree with them) I've learnt over the years that sometimes you need to take a step back and accept that some people - because of their experiences - just won't ever be able to reconcile with feminism.
 
That's ok, but to anyone whose on the fence, or maybe met a few not-so-nice people who have said offensive/ridiculous things under the name of feminism, please give it another chance. Because the best people - the most caring, inspirational & self sacrificing people - I've ever met call themselves feminists. And real life feminist groups and movements do so much good. So you might find online some people who just talk a lot of stuff, but if you come meet us, we support charities, we create learning groups for people who can't afford/access education, we fund & staff domestic abuse centres (for men and women) we do everything we can to help people. And that's so awesome, and I'm sure there's a feminist group near you calling out for an extra hand if you've got some time to spare.
 
Ok, events we've run:
I'll start with the ones I've already kinda' mentioned.
 
Shelters for the vulnerable.
Our society is very large, and we sponser/support a London half-way home for people who have been homeless because they've run away from an abuser.
The half-way home is actually a number of homes, 5 of which are for male victims. We run events, bake sales, competitions, to raise money for them all year round.
Nearly all our committee volunteers personally with this halfway home, which varies from collecting blankets/items for people, to cooking, to staying overnight as a staff. The majority of us are also University students, so we really do stretch ourselves, and are always hoping to find more people to help.
There's also a smaller shelter that we're involved in, which specialises in helping women and children who are actually illegally-citizens immigrants, are unable to get help because they fear they'll be deported. This puts thousands of people in the most dangerous position you could imagine, and without shelters like this many individuals feel like there are absolutely no way out. I'll not go into too much detail, because I think it would break the forums policy of posts, but this shelter is amazing, and is run purely on donations and volunteers, which is so sad, but it can't get any official help as it refuses to give up names of vulnerable people who would probably be arrested if found by authorities.
 
Education.
We run loads of educational workshops.
As we're a University society, we have great resources, and will contact/beg our lecturers to come along and host free/open lectures for people who would unable to access higher education.
We run reading groups, sometimes just focusing on feminist literature (this term we're doing Bell Hooks!) other times on any genre, any books, and we can discuss how there can be problematic aspects of books that we still love. That something can have sexist elements, but that doesn't mean that you have to hate it.
We run consent workshops, we are attended by men & women alike, and even staff.
We run health workshops, give out *health items* (I don't know if we're allowed to talk about adult topics here) but we give them out for free & teach people how to use them safely and correctly.
We run women in STEM, a panel just about supporting women in typically male dominated fields. This can be as simple as meeting with people who have a similar experience as you, or having the panel write complaints on your behalf if you're worried about being treated badly for complaining about maltreatment.
We run black women in feminism talks. Our president is amazing & has got in world leading speakers in to talk about how culture, gender, race & ethnicity work together, how to see people as whole human beings and not just one facet.
 
Fun!
Loads of the above actually have really fun aspects to them too, but we also just let off steam.
We have a hockey team, we got on cinema trips. Museum trips. Study sessions.
We have parties, and we picnics. We have poetry nights and collaborate with other societies,
 
I can't promise that your local group will be as big & varied as ours, but I just wanted to give you all an insight in to what a real - active physical, not just an online personality - feminist looks like.

There have been many incidents in real life where a father and other family members have had to turn in a relative for their criminal behaviour. In many cases, it's a mother turning in her son for drug dealing, but there's been a few times when it's a father turning in a rapist son or a murderer. It's so extremely sad, but it happens. My heart breaks for the family, since they did everything that they could to raise this person right yet somehow, everything went pear-shaped with this child and they just turned out wrong.
 
 
You've been very lucky that you've not been in this situation. I have to admit that aside from the intensive bullying I experienced when I was young, I've never been in that situation either. (Online gaming is a completely different issue and I've been run off sites by aggressive males for years - as a result, I don't ever do online gaming except for NeoPets, and even there, I have no NeoFriends because I'm scared that it will happen again.) It doesn't mean, though, that we need to ignore it because it is all around us. I just saw a husband bullying his wife and daughter just yesterday. I was in a Wendy's restaurant and the little girl, maybe all of 2 years old, was acting out. He came within an inch of smacking her as well as his wife for not controlling the child better. His language was very abusive and it sounded like there was a distinct possibility of violence when they got home. There were three other people around who were on their cellphones to the police. I'd have made it four if I had one. (Phone plans are way too expensive in Canada.)
 
The world is far from a perfect place. It would be awesome if we could fix everyone in the world and get them all on the same peaceful and well-behaved page, but there's a problem with even a lovely thought like that: who determines what that standard is? Sure, I'd love to be the one, but I would take every abusive person on the planet that can't be "corrected" and drop them on Jupiter without an oxygen tank. They'd think I was the abuser, wouldn't they? They'd be right, too. My views are probably way too harsh for some and not nearly hard enough for others. So who would get to decide? The simple answer is no one person should ever weild that kind of power. Which is why civilized nations work together to try and oust dictators when possible. Not that we do a good job of putting in something better, but at least we make the effort to try and help the people who are being crushed under the ego of a single dictator.
 
Getting back to the main topic, though.... I truly believe that starting this newest generation of kids on the right path is the only lasting answer. If we can somehow get past the "me" generations to one that thinks of those around them, has been taught common courtesy and manners, a generation that understands that we all need to get along with one another and work co-operatively for a better place for all living things.... then there really will be hope for the future. What we have now is largely selfish and self-absorbed, can't grasp the simple concepts of politeness and kindness, and enjoys a consumer-based lifestyle where everything is immediate gratification. A world of built-in obsolescence with no quality of manufacture. This leads to people growing increasingly frustrated with their life because there's nothing to have any pride in anymore. Which then leads to people lashing out at those around them and a need to dominate something since they can't control the spiral of consumerism. This brings us full circle to the problem of people (usually women) being oppressed and those responsible for it.
 
Last words, I promise. I still come back to the principal that it's all a form a bullying. Women bashing, men bashing, gay bashing, race bashing..... all of it. Why do we do it? I hate to say it, but it's half instinctual as part of the survival mechanism. The other half is learned behaviour. We can't do much at all about instinct, but we can break the other half of the cycle if we really want to. This takes education and a force of will. We need to start with children and teach them not to hate. This is done almost entirely by example. They watch us. We have to act right or they learn the same old bad habits that we learned from our parents. WE have to break the cycle.

If you're going to use ebay, buy items that explicitly say *space faerie code* in the name, and make sure they've got 100% feedback from lots of people (check out whether those people bought the SF code too)
 
Then buy the item, if they don't send you the code/the right code, then you can message them asking for a refund, and say if they don't give you one, you'll give them bad feedback.
 
 
For the record, this is what I did, it worked & now I have her as a challenger ^^.

See, I find this was of thinking very hurtful (although, I do understand you weren't personally trying to cause offence to people)
because sometimes I'm very masculine/tomboyish, and sometimes I can feel really girly (it's like people forget that women are multifaceted human beings that can have a range of tastes) But no matter how I'm feeling on a certain day, sexist jokes always hurt me.
 
My University, and particularly my course, is majority guys, the majority of my lecturers are guys too. Even when I'm being masculine and *one of the guys* with them, it can be horrid when one of them uses sexism to alienate me and hurt me. And I can sometimes feel resentful for being womanly then, but the truth is, it's not me being a girl that is to blame, it's men thinking that can use that as a weakness and exploit it to make me uncomfortable and get an upper hand.
 
Anyway, feminism is there to protect women & fight for them, if you don't need fighting for - that's fine, good for you - but don't forget that there are thousands of women who are vulnerable. And it's not just because they are women, they might have a different financial background to you, or race, or live in a different country which is more dangerous.
 
So I support feminism, not just for myself, but also for those who need it more than me,

I remembered the name of the guild I belonged to 10 years ago. I'm trying to get my old account back, and I'm hoping that will help. I'm very proud of myself atm. :D
 
Also, I got a silver trophy on Time Tunnel this week. It's one of my favorite games, so I was pretty excited. Also also, I only have to defeat Haskol and Vex one more time to get the gold Cellblock trophy.

Okay, so either I'm not fully understanding the point you're trying to make, or you you didn't fully understand mine (or possibly both). My last line referred to the fact that holding a door open for someone coming in behind you is simple common courtesy, and yet several times that I've done it for a man they've snapped at me and reacted as if I was implying they weren't men. If in fact you did understand this and you were taking issue with me holding a door open, then I honestly have no idea where you're coming from.
 
As for the first part of your post: yes, there are people who call themselves feminists who can be jerks, or have really strange ideas about what feminism means. This is true of of any group, though, including geeks, psychologists*, and even neopets users - (if you substitute feminism out for whatever that group is centered around, obviously :laughingsmiley: ). Writing off an entire rights movement because a small but vocal minority of them are jerks does a disservice not only to women, but to men who 1) want to take up traditionally 'feminine' careers or hobbies without being harassed or thought less of, 2) are victims of female (and often male) violence who'd rather receive help than scorn, or 3) want a fair chance of getting decent custody of their children instead of watching sole custody go to the mother just because women are assumed to be more nurturing than men. There are other benefits for men, obviously, but the point is that feminism does help both men and women, and if you cant see that then you should do some research on the movement that you're dismissing.
 
*I'm tired. These were the first groups that popped into my head that weren't absurd like badgers or hot dog eating contestants.

/face-to-palm.
You're totally right, I did already have the avatar!
I looked on my neosignature list, and it was actually one of the first ones I got, so no wonder I had forgotten.
 
Well, that's about 3 hours wasted dying to plains lupes when I didn't need to.
 
Thank you for the advice!
 
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See, I find this was of thinking very hurtful (although, I do understand you weren't personally trying to cause offence to people)
because sometimes I'm very masculine/tomboyish, and sometimes I can feel really girly (it's like people forget that women are multifaceted human beings that can have a range of tastes) But no matter how I'm feeling on a certain day, sexist jokes always hurt me.
 
My University, and particularly my course, is majority guys, the majority of my lecturers are guys too. Even when I'm being masculine and *one of the guys* with them, it can be horrid when one of them uses sexism to alienate me and hurt me. And I can sometimes feel resentful for being womanly then, but the truth is, it's not me being a girl that is to blame, it's men thinking that can use that as a weakness and exploit it to make me uncomfortable and get an upper hand.
 
Anyway, feminism is there to protect women & fight for them, if you don't need fighting for - that's fine, good for you - but don't forget that there are thousands of women who are vulnerable. And it's not just because they are women, they might have a different financial background to you, or race, or live in a different country which is more dangerous.
 
So I support feminism, not just for myself, but also for those who need it more than me,

HAHAHA!
You (and Lisa) are totally on the money there.
 
But I'm glad they're at least trying to get people's attention.
 
I do wish they'd fix defenders of neopia first though...
 
Maybe that'll be the birthday surprise:
"WE FIXED STUFF!"

See, I find this was of thinking very hurtful (although, I do understand you weren't personally trying to cause offence to people)
because sometimes I'm very masculine/tomboyish, and sometimes I can feel really girly (it's like people forget that women are multifaceted human beings that can have a range of tastes) But no matter how I'm feeling on a certain day, sexist jokes always hurt me.
 
My University, and particularly my course, is majority guys, the majority of my lecturers are guys too. Even when I'm being masculine and *one of the guys* with them, it can be horrid when one of them uses sexism to alienate me and hurt me. And I can sometimes feel resentful for being womanly then, but the truth is, it's not me being a girl that is to blame, it's men thinking that can use that as a weakness and exploit it to make me uncomfortable and get an upper hand.
 
Anyway, feminism is there to protect women & fight for them, if you don't need fighting for - that's fine, good for you - but don't forget that there are thousands of women who are vulnerable. And it's not just because they are women, they might have a different financial background to you, or race, or live in a different country which is more dangerous.
 
So I support feminism, not just for myself, but also for those who need it more than me,

HAHAHA!
You (and Lisa) are totally on the money there.
 
But I'm glad they're at least trying to get people's attention.
 
I do wish they'd fix defenders of neopia first though...
 
Maybe that'll be the birthday surprise:
"WE FIXED STUFF!"

See, I find this was of thinking very hurtful (although, I do understand you weren't personally trying to cause offence to people)
because sometimes I'm very masculine/tomboyish, and sometimes I can feel really girly (it's like people forget that women are multifaceted human beings that can have a range of tastes) But no matter how I'm feeling on a certain day, sexist jokes always hurt me.
 
My University, and particularly my course, is majority guys, the majority of my lecturers are guys too. Even when I'm being masculine and *one of the guys* with them, it can be horrid when one of them uses sexism to alienate me and hurt me. And I can sometimes feel resentful for being womanly then, but the truth is, it's not me being a girl that is to blame, it's men thinking that can use that as a weakness and exploit it to make me uncomfortable and get an upper hand.
 
Anyway, feminism is there to protect women & fight for them, if you don't need fighting for - that's fine, good for you - but don't forget that there are thousands of women who are vulnerable. And it's not just because they are women, they might have a different financial background to you, or race, or live in a different country which is more dangerous.
 
So I support feminism, not just for myself, but also for those who need it more than me,

HAHAHA!
You (and Lisa) are totally on the money there.
 
But I'm glad they're at least trying to get people's attention.
 
I do wish they'd fix defenders of neopia first though...
 
Maybe that'll be the birthday surprise:
"WE FIXED STUFF!"

Do using the NC fortune cookie mean you might get a fountain faerie quest?
I really want one for the buzz, and now that I'm old enough to actually afford things (HAH! at least when I was young I didn't have to pay rent) I don't mind buying NC items to help get an avatar.

May sound silly, but did you check to make sure you don't already have it? You may have started NQ2 a long time ago and just forgotten about it. It resets after a year I think?

/face-to-palm.
You're totally right, I did already have the avatar!
I looked on my neosignature list, and it was actually one of the first ones I got, so no wonder I had forgotten.
 
Well, that's about 3 hours wasted dying to plains lupes when I didn't need to.
 
Thank you for the advice!
 
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